Looking Back 'The Spiritual Switch'

Nearly every December in my memory I start to reflect on the past, I don't spend my time living in it, I acknowledge specific elements and then move on. I am at that point in my life where the days, months and years fly by and the older I get they feel like they're forever accelerating, I think this just comes with responsibilities but it's all magnified by the fact that when I had my mental breakdown back in 2010 I've literally been hanging on to life ever since. Another year has almost ended and my 'spiritual switch' is yet to be flicked, it's hard to explain, it's like there's something that I'm waiting for but I don't have a clue what it is.

I remember my dad saying something similar shortly before he died, he said that he was waiting for something to happen, but he didn't know exactly what it was, he died at the age of 79 without really ever knowing what it was. My dad was a fantastic drummer, an artist and a deep thinker, if he lived his whole life without his spiritual switch being flicked, I'm most probably doomed to live my life with the exact same feeling. Maybe it's a musical thing, dad walked away from drums not long after my sister was born, I walked away from it at the age of 34 after dedicating my whole life to the art of drums and music from the age of 6. 

We Drain Ourselves For Nothing

Maybe we both have/had unfinished business musically, I feel like that everyday, it doesn't feel right not playing but at the same time I could never go back to it. This has positioned me in a strange sort of nowhere land, I still work within the music industry and my jobs keep me out of the 9 - 5 mundane that most other people are subjected to. I've written a few times in the past that I just wasn't made for the 9 - 5 bullshit, the normal life that many crave just isn't for me, I don't like routine, I've always found myself running away from it. Being in bands always kept you out of that brain-rot shit because you were in rehearsal rooms, recording studios, gigging, touring and writing music, output put has always been important to me.

Now without any of that going on I tried to make my carp fishing and the blog a creative escape, it didn't really workout that way because there were so many dickheads in the carp fishing scene. There I was wanting to avoid the morons only to be participating in a pastime that attracted every moron in the book. I tried to do it with my metal detecting and blog but alas, the same fucking idiots that ruin every hobby reside in metal detecting as well. To be honest all the back biting bullshit about metal detectors online has pretty much ruined it for me now, I've explained in a previous blog how pathetic my life has become, finding myself in stupid arguments about a bloody metal detector, I really fell hard from where I use to be to even think about participating in such stupidity. 

My Boy

I've come across a lot of arseholes in my life but some of the degenerate, inbred backwards I've digitally come in contact with through metal detecting really makes me question the current gene pool and the future of the human race. I've come to the conclusion that there is no escape for me, I'm trapped on this planet surrounded by people I have absolutely nothing in common with in any way shape or form. I'm both a passenger and spectator of a system I don't want to be a part of. We work and earn money to surround ourselves with inanimate objects, these objects fall into categories. Some like to buy 'the best and most expensive', this projects a certain image that they want to portray to the strangers around them. 

To me these things are just distractions, they help pass time, you can't take none of it with you, you can't complete yourself with the material. It's a temporary buzz, you can fulfill yourself through experiences. but the concept of "experiences" aren't the same anymore. Most aren't living in the moment because they're too busy documenting their boring fucking lives to present to others via social media, edited in a way to make them look interesting. Those that want to truly experience something are now surrounded by mindless fools with smart phones and selfie sticks. Meaning their experience is being ruined by others. How Many People Want To Get Lost In Live Music? only to be surrounded by a sea of phones ruining it for them. 

Boring

How many people just want to go on a group dig without being surrounded by a bunch of twats wearing GoPro cameras on their head dressed up in a hoodie, cap or T-Shirt advertising their shite social media. If I was ever to go on a group dig I wouldn't take my camera with me. I've tried to share my experiences metal detecting but the way I do it isn't hip and trendy and my opinions don't gel with the hick-town crowd that most probably slept with their own sisters. The whole YouTube thing was suppose to be fun but that's been tainted, it seems that if you have opinions that challenge the majority then it makes you a target. I'm actually debating if to pull my whole channel because I'm tired of participating in such a childish shit show. I have nothing to prove to anyone, I ain't no expert on any of it, I ain't looking for fame, I had a good level of that with music but it was all bullshit to me. 

Maybe There Is No Spiritual Switch At All, it's just a trick of the mind that compels us to carry on down a road that has no destination, it's an inbuilt programming that sort of enables us to carry on through the bullshit because we believe that fate or karma will eventually give us everything we feel we deserve. What if I said that there ain't no karma and there is no fate either. That all of us are just a mass of lost fucking souls living 'the life delusion', and with every day, month and year that passes we're simply trapped on a conveyor-belt inching closer and closer to the abattoir of old age. That's Some Scary Shit